Category: Leadership

I had 4 separate conversations this past week with different individuals where the subject of clarifying your wants so that you can state them in a clear way came up as a subject of conversation.

1 was with an employee and 3 were through personal relationships
1 was on the subject of a personal desire and 3 were related to career drivers

The mix of the foundational why for my relationship with each person as it relates to the subject matter we were discussing was certainly not a direct correlation towards a hard lined stance of work and personal life.

The issue is that compartmentalizing your work and personal life isn’t clean and if you work to make it extremely clean it might not be healthy or useful. It’s not that they’re the same thing, it’s that they draw a tension for you to manage when deciding your use of time and activities.
e.g. If I use my angry work voice with a staff member they’re going to carry that home to their families and if a staff member’s 2 year old cries in their ear all night they’re going to com into work tired the next morning.

It helps me to be aware that those around me have other things happening beyond what I can see. I have a note in front of me at my desk to remind me of this. I’m curious how others keep this reality in front of them. What have you done as your reminder? I’m curious to learn.

I keep finding this common thought as I interact with growing organizations. Everyone feels dumped on by other teams. It’s not necessarily a true thought. In fact, 99% of the time I find it’s not true at all after asking a few more questions on the subject. It’s generally a lot of hardworking smart people, with limited visibility, who are trying to do the right thing.

The trick is to have empathy and ask good questions from a generally curious posture. When you assume the best in others it’s easier to do this. That is what gets you to the point of understanding why something is happening. You can walk away with understanding and possibly even have knowledge about how to change the situation and add value for, not only your team, but also other teams.

A few quick principles here:
-When there’s a gap from someone’s actions, assume the best
-Stay curious and ask questions
-Sharing your perspective if it helps the other person or increases the other person’s view

How’s this going? Anyone else need a reset about those around them after feeling dumped on?

“I’m just being honest” I’ve heard this too often as an excuse when someone is a jerk.
The goal is not simply to be Authentic. Be Intentional and that takes restraint.

It will help us all, including me, if you have internalized these thoughts for stopping yourself when you are offended:
-I represent more than me and not everybody would want me to respond this way.
-Other people could be damaged in their income and reputation by the words that I say. I need to let this one go for them.
-This could cost you personally and you need to mend relationships and not burn bridges.

Finally, what if they’re right?

I was listening to a discussion about this from Donald Miller and he gave a quote from someone he knows who works for a state governor. “Most of us overreact as quickly as possible.”

Let’s not. Take a point today and slow down

It’s Friday! What are you doing this weekend? Taking some time to rest, or intending to work through because you can get just that little bit further ahead?

Any human on the planet can work incredibly hard and be protected from burn out so long as they take at solid 24 hour period of time off in a consistent way every week.
E.G. I stop working when I turn everything down on Friday night (or early Saturday morning) and don’t start again until Sunday afternoon. So a little over 24 hours, but it’s the same every week.

This past Saturday I was tempted to dive into something later in the evening and opted not to. Waited until Sunday afternoon and found I had much more energy for it.

This isn’t purely a physical rest requirement. It’s mental, emotional, and spiritual. Burnout, every time i’ve encountered it, isn’t physical. There can be physical aspects, but it’s primarily mental, emotional, spiritual.

You have more value than what you produce. The discipline of stopping is a thing that frustrates you into simultaneously believing and experiencing this as a truth of your life.

There’s a common complaint i’ve heard about moving the needle on a person. If it’s unintentionally done, then I can see how this would be terrible for moral and lead to reduced performance over time. Countering that, the action isn’t inherently bad.

How do you run a longer distanced race than one you’ve previously run? You increase the distance goal.

How do you earn more money? You set a target and work backwards for what you need to do to get there.

As you grow and change your goals will also need to do that. As an organization grows the changing of the goals is necessitated.

Moving the needle isn’t bad. Doing so without context is terrible. Doing so because of a stated mission is life giving to the entire organization.

What is your organizations stated mission and where do you need to “move the needle” to get to a preferred future?

Take a breath. Ask “how can I help?” when your stuck not knowing how to give good feedback.

This is a pomodoro timer that my wife gave me a few years back. It’s great for a lot of productivity hacks. One being, what to do when you need to give feedback but are frustrated and don’t know what to say. hit the 3 minute side and breath.

I just had an employee who wasn’t performing to, what I felt, was their best. I started typing out something towards feedback with them. I couldn’t find the words that would give them the appropriate feedback while also helping them see I was on their side after several retypes. Hit the pomodoro timer and stop. I really only needed 30 seconds. Rephrased the thing with an ending statement like this: “I need you to be able to _________. Is there anything I can do to help you ______________?”

Stop. Take a breath. If you can end the statement with the phrase above, you’re probably in the right ballpark.